Fantasy Time - The Dream of the Big Audience. An exploration
of what keeps creative people – writers, musicians, etc – going.
No publisher. No band. No grant. Rejection. And we continue.
Writer Blogs, Creativity Blog.

SEPTEMBER 3, 2006

FANTASY TIME - THE DREAM OF THE BIG AUDIENCE

I have been working on a couple of idea pieces, and then a couple of blogs, all day long. I have worked on tiny details, made minor adjustments here or there. Just one improvement more. And just one more improvement. Add this link. Add that. Delete that reference. Make the reference clearer.

What is the fantasy that keeps me going?

Because if it were just for me, none of this would matter.

I know the fantasy - it's the dream of the big audience.

I don't gamble - for me, it's a waste of whatever money one puts into it.

But I am held by this other fantasy - that there will be an audience out there. Over and over in my life, it hasn't worked out.

I am grateful for my teaching - because there I do reach students.

But this site is the latest effort to make the fantasy real. Each time I hope that this time, I have it right, that this time I will get to be an insider. This time, a publisher will pick up a book - like two publishers almost picked up The Fluffers Book This time, I will get a grant from Canada Council, the big arts funding agency in Canada. But I haven't gotten even one grant from them, though long ago I did get one big grant (an Opportunities for Youth grant - half of what I asked for), which gave me more experience getting a major creative project together than anything else. That one grant didn't get me all the way - to an audience. I could not even complete that project (half the funding couldn't be stretched to go all the way).

And still I am trying.

How important is the fantasy, the belief, the hope?

I don't know what I would do without it.

I know that I am less fearful than ever before.

I know I don't keep trying.

And this isn't bad, what I have pulled together since I started working on the site a bit over 3 months ago - you can see update #2 for all that is up.

So powerful, this hope, belief, fantasy - the same thing that drives a gambler to keep on going, the researcher to keep on looking, the explorer lost in the arctic wastes to keep on and on and on instead of giving up. Strange the mix - the dangerous addiction and the route to survival and success.

Anyway, I am not giving up. That I know. Because for one thing, I cannot believe it is only a fantasy that there will be an audience. I believe there is a hope, a possibility, a chance that I will get where I long to be - to be heard by enough people to feel satisfaction.

I also know I have probably said something very similar earlier, when I was just starting to put the site on the web. Right now, all these thoughts are sweeping through me again.

As always, welcome into my world.

Elsa
creating, connecting, exchanging -
or anyway, trying to

SEPTEMBER 3, 2006

copyright © Elsa Schieder 2006, 2011
publishing house - FlufferDuff Impressions 2006, 2011

Previous - September 3, 2006

Next - September 18, 2006

______________

***SOCIALIZEIT***

and even more choices ...

top of page

Elsa's Adventures in Internet Land

______________________________________________________________

home      about      site map      privacy policy      terms of use      contact
______________________________________________________________

site design, site construction - Elsa Schieder
copyright © Elsa Schieder, 2006-2017 - all rights reserved
copyright © elsas-word-story-image-idea-music-emporium.com, 2006-2017 -
all rights reserved

CLICK HERE TO CONTACT

Elsa